Today is Easter and the sound of the rain falling to the earth is therapeutic to my soul. I feel comforted. I don’t feel so alone when the rain comes. It’s like nature puts a blanket of water around me, telling me every thing’s going to be alright. Nature has a way of giving me what I need at just the right moment sometimes.
I went Tanyard Creek this morning. It’s an overcast morning. Rainy and drizzly. I love days like these.
I’m more contemplative.
I find out new things about myself on days like today.
Tanyard Creek is a place my family and I came to many years ago to capture some family moments.
We took family photos. My mom, dad, brother, sister, brother & law and neice were all here. We were together. We were a family. Not perfect by any means, but a family unit nonetheless.
I feel grateful for these memories I hold in my heart. Times may not have been the best, but we made it through and kept on keepin’ on anyway.
Memories like these can be bittersweet though. My parents are going through rough times now. They are no longer together. My family just feels broken. And I guess it is, in a way. And it makes me feel sad.
Sometimes I just want to give up. It’s hard. Life is just hard sometimes.
I stood in the rain with my hot cup of tea and watched the water trickle down the rocks. I listened to the waterfall up ahead and sat there in the moment. I experienced it for what it was. I was present in my moment and allowed myself to feel whatever emotions came up. I did not turn them away or ignore them. I invited the pain, the laughter, the tears. Whatever I needed to feel and experience, I allowed it.
I cried. I longed for the comforts of my past and for security in my future.
I’m going through a confusing time in my own life, trying to decide what I want and how I’m going to get it. My marriage isn’t what I want it to be. My siblings and I are growing up and finding out that life isn’t always pleasant. In fact, life is full of growing pains. The general pains of every day life.
I discovered something today: In the midst of my overwhelmingly emotional experience, I came to realize something about myself. I’ve put such an effort to be so tough. To be so “okay” that I started building walls.
I began to build walls around my heart.
I put up a defense so I couldn’t get hurt. (It hurts to get hurt.)
And as I stood there in my moment, I listened to a song. It spoke directly to my soul.
These words were meaningful to me:
“Hello my old heart, it’s been so long
Since I’ve given you away
And every day
I add another stone
to the walls I’ve built around you
to keep you safe..
..Nothing lasts forever
Some things aren’t meant to be
But you’ll never find the answers
Until you set your old heart free…”
So today I decided to set my old heart free.
I cried, and I set my old heart free.
So I ask you the question: What do you need to set free in your own life?
Thanks for reading friend. I love you.
Peace & Love,