One of the most freeing ideas I’ve come to learn (and am still learning) is about taking personal responsibility. Here are some things I’ve learned:
1. Everything is my fault.
Wherever I am in life, right now, in this moment, is MY FAULT. It’s my own fault that I do not have as much money as I want. It is my fault that I fight with my husband. It is my fault that I am not as good on the piano or guitar as I wish I were. It is my fault that I have more fat on my body than I want. It is my fault that I read slow. I can always find truth in these statements, because they are true.
I could learn more about business and make more abundance for myself. I could choose to back down or be more understanding when my husband and I have an argument about something. I could practice more intensely and get a mentor to become an awesome musician. I could read more, take speed reading classes, and work harder towards reading at a quicker pace. I could eat less food and exercise more (in a healthy way) in order to get fitter. It is nobody else’s fault- not my parents’, not my husband’s, not my genetics, not God’s, nor the universe’s fault. Everything is always my fault. Period.
2. People treat me the way I teach them to treat me.
I’ve played the victim a lot in my life. I’m naturally a people pleaser and a giver, so in the past I’ve gotten myself into situations where I’ve felt very taken advantage of and unappreciated. I’ve learned that I have to set boundaries for myself (which I still fail at most of the time.) If I were to have set more specific personal boundaries for myself in the past, I could’ve saved myself a lot of hard feelings.
For instance- Before I got married, I was in an unhealthy relationship. My boyfriend-we’ll call him Frank- and I had a very dependent relationship and unrealistic expectations for each other. Frank was lazy. He played video games all day, had no job, and was messy. Like, really messy. He ate a lot of junk food in wrappers and boxes and drank sodas in cans, which by the way would be left behind for someone else to pick up later. He did not clean up after himself. Ever. He did not do his laundry. It would sprawl itself all over the floor- I literally could not walk from one end of the room to the other because of the massive piles of filth. It was in a word, unlivable.
Now, here I am, a complete NEAT FREAK. Imagine how I feel when I walk into this horrific scene as I’ll call it, because that’s really what it was for me. I couldn’t help but NOT clean. Take out the trash. Do laundry. Dishes. And this, by the way, was all in order to spend some relaxing time in a clean space with someone I cared about. Frank got used to me playing house-maid. He practically came to expect that from me. And when I wasn’t doing it, his mom was. I personally taught and trained Frank to get really accustomed to never doing anything himself. I taught him how to treat me, and got what I asked for. Learn from my experiences and teach people to treat you the way you want to be treated and deserve to be treated.
3. I create my own reality.
I have the choice to create my own reality, exactly how I want it. Every day we’re constantly being forced-whether we like it or not- to make decisions. I can either let life happen to me, or I can take control of my life. This isn’t to say that we have COMPLETE control over EVERYTHING, I’m basically stating that what we DO have control over, we get a say in it. This was scary for me to realize. Once I found out that my personal choices I make on a daily basis are LITERALLY creating my destiny? You best believe I took note.
I experimented with that, and still am. Sometimes I’ll purposefully make choices and look for opportunities in a certain direction I want to take my life. Sometimes, I get lazy and don’t feel like making decisions so I let life happen as it would without my consent or opinion. I’ve learned that when I choose to have a say in my life, I generally will get what I want. I can literally create the life I want to live because I can choose. It takes a whole lot of effort, persistence, a VERY CLEAR VISION of what it is I really want, but I’ll take that over the alternative any day. I’ll admit, it’s not easy. But it’s definitely worth it.
So my question to you is this: What will you choose to take responsibility for right now, in this moment? Perhaps it’s your health. Your failing marriage. Your debt. Your dirty house. Your bad moods. Your lack of skills. Your lack of success. Or perhaps something else? In the end, each and every one of us has the power of choice. What will you choose?
I love you from the moon and back a thousand times. I’m so grateful for you.
Take care, my friend and remember: When you take full responsibility for your own lot in life, there you will find true freedom.
Peace & love, and a whole ‘lotta gratitude,
Questions and comments are always welcome below!