Fear


Again it is so..

I sit here to write.

My chest, heavy.

Tight.

Tension running through my veins.

Evening closing in now, and that hyper-analytical brain of mine now moves into over-drive.

Assessing all of the day’s events that could’ve had such an effect on me.

To cause such pain in my body.

And then I realize something.

These weighted feelings in my chest, residing deep within my soul are none other than the by-product of..

FEAR.

And a fear of what you might ask?

The fear of what is to come.

Fear of the future. Fear that I won’t be successful, crippled by my own insecurities. Fear that I won’t have what it takes to handle all that comes my way.

Fear of lacking money in life, especially on upcoming travels and a fear of missing out on truly living. Fear I’m too intensely focused on being successful, “becoming a success.”

Fear I’ll miss out on what’s really important in this life. Which consists of many things including joy, life, bliss, feeling the unconditional love that resides in all things.

Fear that while I’m alive in this human form that I’ll miss out on living life to the fullest, feeling fulfilled.

A great fear that somehow “

I’m doing life wrong.”

But that leads me to ask the question, “What does living life right look like?”

And does it even exist?

These are things I contemplate during my day.

Sometimes I get so deeply entrapped within the prison of my mind that I fear I’ll never make it out alive.

That I’ll never find happiness again.

But once more, I stumble upon this blank canvas. Filled with possibility.

The tools I need to move out of imprisonment, and into freedom.

These keys.

To type.

These simple words.

And I place them on the blank canvas.

I write to tell a story. I write to tell my story.

To put thought to paper.

It’s like magic…

All of a sudden, (like the wave of a wand), the tension I once was feeling is gone.

Vanished.

And the thoughts that were once spinning circles in my mind seem to slow down.

All is quiet now.

And as the moments pass, I feel at ease.

This is the beauty of “the outlet.” Noticing which tools work best,

and using them.

So, again I write.

I write to express, I write to tell a story, I write to release those thoughts and feelings and energies that have been stored up for far too long.

In order for that future moment in time when they will need to go on to tell their story..

To be free.

To fly.

——-

You see, fear is all in the mind.

It begins as a thought, a simple chemical reaction in our brains, that then travels from the mind, and into the body.

And when this happens, we can feel a tingly sensation, a sort of tension, a heaviness. We feel weighted down, as if gravity’s pull had just increased 10-fold.

But all that can change in a second when we realize that fear isn’t as real as we’ve believed it to be at all. It feels real, but is not.

And the only way to rid the feeling of fear, is to move through it. To become friends with it.

To find our personal tool that works for us. To get that energy flowing.

And moving.

To get it out of the mind, and out of the body once and for all.

Until the next day.

You see, Steven Pressfield taught me once that we never fully “get rid of fear.” It’s always there. It always shows up at just the right time to spoil our plans, to crash the party.

But we can never let it win. For we have greater things waiting for us upon the horizon, shining bright like the sun.

Our dreams. Our destinies.

It is only when we see fear as what it truly is, that we can truly move through it. To feel that fear, and do what we’ve set out to do anyway. No matter how difficult or hard it may seem.

So I pose the question to you, the reader, my friend: What form of “fear” is showing up in your life right now?

How can you see if for what it truly is? How can you change your perspective of that fear? Turning the negative and disempowering into courageousness and tenacity?

How will you press forward in your life, calling in those fears ever more closely? Becoming friends with them in the process, in order to conquer your dreams and live life to the fullest?

Just some things to think about. 🙂

I love you.

❤ B

P.S. I think I feel better now 😉

What are we committed to?

andrew-overlook-hills

Photo Credit @ Cailin Way Photography

What am I committed to? (I ask myself.)

Am I committed to my dreams, going after my destiny, achieving all I’ve set out to achieve, create, and become?

OR…

Am I committed to my story? The internal thought battle going on in my head about how “It’s not fair! I don’t have enough money! I don’t have enough time to work on my (crossing my fingers this works) business, I can’t learn how to play the guitar, I’m not cut out for this, Why me? I’m just not good enough!”

Am I more committed to DOING what I came here to do? Or am I too busy playing victim in my own life?

These are the questions I’m chewing on at the moment.

I have these desires, and dreams, and these callings from my soul that I’m meant for something GREATER than I’m currently showing up as in my daily life right now.

So, I get to have these wonderful conversations, gut-checks really, with myself. And with you.

Here goes nothing, haha!

What are we doing with our lives?

I’ll give you two scenarios:

1. Are we simply letting life pass us by, as we tell ourselves

“Maybe later. I’ll go after my dreams later. I’ll travel later. Right now’s not the best time. I’m not ready yet. I don’t know enough yet. Once I learn how to do build a website, THEN I’ll feel like I’m able to start telling people about my goal to be an entrepreneur. Once I’m older, I’ll be wiser. I’ll know more later, Once I retire I’ll do something about it. Until then, I’m okay. I’ll be okay. I’ll think about it later.”
And then life happens. And we forget. And we let go of all the amazing visions for our lives and settle for what we have now and tell ourselves that staying here forever with no upward shift or change is “good enough.”

OR

2. Are we learning about who we are, what we want, noticing the things (fears) that we allow to get in the way of us taking action, recognizing that “with every day that passes that we’re NOT taking action, (the tiny steps forward), that we are stalling in the face of the enemy…RESISTANCE?

By taking daily calculated actions toward what we want, we grow and learn about ourselves and the true nature of the world in the process. We get EXCITED to wake up each day and DO OUR WORK. The work we were meant to do.

To love fully, with our whole hearts. To find joy in each moment, whether it’s a mini dance party in our kitchen, a walk in our neighborhood, hugging the trees, lying in the sun on a hot summer’s day, taking a warm bubble bath after a hard day’s work, preparing a nourishing and heart warming meal, watching a funny show, hearing our children at play, the sound of laughter, laughing, smelling the roses as we walk by that familiar flower cart, smelling the freshly baked bread outside of the bakery around the corner.

Which scenario do we see ourselves choosing more often on a daily basis?

Do we choose

1. RESISTANCE?

Or

2. FREEDOM?

Are we noticing what we SAY we want, and what we are ACTUALLY taking action on, and DOING on a daily basis?

Do they add up?

Do we REALLY want what we say we want? Or are we fine with simply talking about it but not doing it?
Because the truth is that in every moment, we have a choice. Period.

We have a choice as to how we respond to life as it comes. How we respond to people in difficult and trying situations. We have a choice in the foods we buy at the store and put in our bodies. We have a choice in the kinds of shows we are watching, the music we listen to, the people we surround ourselves with. We have a choice as to WHO WE BECOME.

And who we are to become is born out of our actions, born of decisions, born of beliefs, which are born of our thoughts.

So what are we doing with our thoughts?

Are we committed to staying where we are, or are we committed to growth? Are we committed to telling more people about our problems, or are we committed to solving them?

Are we committed to listening to that voice that tells us to stay small?

Or

Are we committed to acknowledging that GIANT BEAST that lives within each and every one of us, utilizing it’s power to turn the seemingly impossible into POSSIBLE?

Steven Pressfield in his book The War of Art says this:

“The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist.
What henry Fonda does, after puking into the toilet in his dressing room, is to clean up and march out onstage. He’s still terrified but he forces himself forward in spite of his terror. He knows that once he gets out into the action, his fear will recede and he’ll be okay.”

And, wow! I couldn’t have said it better myself. So..in spite of fear, I ask you the question: What life do you REALLY wish to live? What legacy do you want to leave behind?

And most importantly, with these questions in mind..”What are you committed to?”

I love you so so much!! Thank you for reading. We are in this thing together! This thing called life. And all I have to say is..WE GOT THIS!! Whoohoo!!

I’ll see you at the bakery ‘round the corner.. 😉

XOXO,

❤ B.

P.S. Thank you Alexi Panos for the consistent inspiration for this post. I love you sweet soul!!

Oh resistance, how I love you.

Resistance.

I wake to the sound of her voice every day.

She dwells within me. And tugs at my heart.

The heaviness in my chest. The lack of inspiration, motivation. Of courage, to do what I know I came to do.

Most times she wins; she never tires, and fights to the death.

Sometimes I feel like I’m dying.

But then I remember.. I’m still alive.

As I tear her claws out from under my skin, from whence they came, I feel a slight urge to give in. To give up. To accept my defeat, because in surrendering I can now rest. No longer must the fight live on.

But I don’t.

And deep down I know that I’m not defeated. That I will never accept defeat as long as I live, as long as my heart still beats, as long as I breathe.

Resistance. It never quits. And it never leaves.

——

Nearly four months ago, I wrote a blog post. Since then, I’ve had this thought, this feeling, like “What’s the point? Nobody wants to read these words anyway. I don’t feel like it. I don’t make a difference. WHO AM I?!”

And then..today.

Today, I realized that I’m going crazy without this form of expression. That I don’t have to do everything for other people. I can do it for myself.

So.

I write these pages. As a form of art. As expression, through written word.

If a person reads this, great.

If not? No problem!

Because THIS? This is a part of ME. And it’s about time I give myself permission to simply write for the sake of writing. To live for the sake of living. To share for the sake of sharing, knowing that all that moves through me is a form of art, of love.

Not so that I can “become famous” or “make a shit-load of money” or “CHANGE THE WORLD!!”

No.

None of that.

I mean, it sounds great and all…

Ambitious.

But for me, these above reasons will never be strong enough “whys.”

Because it can never BE about ME. It must be about the mission, to share what’s on my heart. To help others. To love, to serve, to grow.

It must simply be for the sake of expression. Of practicing the art and flow of life: energy in, energy out.

Make. Do. Create. Express. LIVE FULLY with no regrets.

I’m a writer. So I write. I’m a singer so I sing. I’m a child so I play, and I laugh and I find a reason to have fun.

I am an artist. And so are YOU.

Because we were created, we are creation. Therefore, we create.

It is innate within us. To form ideas and solve problems, and make babies. To prepare beautiful meals, to decorate our homes, to dress ourselves and create our own individual style.

We are creators.

We create with our thoughts- create emotions and dreams and visions of the future. We create the feeling of love in our heart, because it feels good.

And then we write about it. Talk about it. Express it in some way.

We go jogging on the beach, we dance in a rainstorm, we pray on our knees, and we sit in silence with a candle flickering in the darkness nearby.

We are creators.

We express ourselves. We live our lives to the best of our ability and through it all, resistance rests on our left shoulder…in an effort to keep us from doing what we really wish to do, becoming all that we wish to become, to creating the life that we are destined to create, and live, and thrive within.

I’m writing a blog post today. And it’s not perfect.

What the hell is “perfect” anyway?

This post is created. That in itself IS perfection. The pushing past the resistance IS the success. Knowing that resistance is right here with us as I write these words, as you read these pages…

But I’m writing them anyway.

And you’re reading them.

Every single thing that we could ever want in life is a single thought away. We think it, we plan it, we focus on it, we take action to achieve it, and eventually (never overnight) we succeed. We have completed what we set out for.

I believe it starts in becoming friends with this enemy we call “resistance,” the mother of my “un-success” in many areas of life. The voice in my head that has kept me from doing all the things I wish to do because I am afraid.

Becoming friends with resistance: inviting her in, allowing her to help in the process of doing, creating, becoming, and achieving all that we set out to do.

That is where the next step to our success lies.

We choose not to fight to the death, but to quit the fight before it even begins.

We get to fall in love..

And magic happens. Words are born onto these pages.

——

So here’s to you.

The sweet and precious one I call resistance, how I love you.

❤ B.