From breakdown to breakthrough

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Here I am again.

On the brink of another breakthrough.

Growing and learning and breaking down.

Hard.

And it’s terrifying.

And exciting.

The realization that INFINITY exists, and to even slightly begin to wrap our minds around it begins a process of true bliss that we can’t really stop. That we would never wish to stop. When we come to realize that we create our own limitations. That literally ANYTHING we want truly DOES exist and can become a part of our daily lives if we just BELIEVE.

Ohh how I have been in a constant state of thinking, over-thinking, analyzing EVERYTHING down to the tiniest particle. Going through the breakdowns, the breakthroughs. Helping and healing myself. And in turn others.

My entire perspective on life constantly evolving. Changing with every moment that I interact with the world around me. Within me.

Recognizing that we are all one in the same. We are spirit.

And all we truly need IS love. To love, and to be loved. To speak with love. Act with love.

Intentions.

Recognising just how MUCH time we spend in our ego, and how much more life has to offer us when we live in spirit. When we speak from our hearts instead of our heads. When we become vulnerable enough to have the ability to connect with others around us in such a way that we feel love in the deepest capacity.

Love is in everything we do. I see love all around me.

In the eyes of strangers. In the laughter of a child at play. In the plate of food that will nourish my body. In nature. A tree. A flower. A stream trickling over rocks through parks and farms and plains.

I see love when I close my eyes. I see it in my dreams.

And I feel it in a moment of bliss. When the wind blows past my cheeks. In a delicate kiss.

What is love then you ask?

Love is you.

Love is me.

I love you to infinity,
❤ B

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Coming back to love

When I come back to a place of love, I don’t feel empty any longer.

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I was just thinking about life.. like I normally do. Deeply analyzing why I’m doing what I’m doing, why I have certain thoughts, why I believe what I believe, and how I’m forming decisions.

Trying to define myself all the while…that’s how I feel secure in life..to have this “role” I define myself by, whether it be job title or family title…but eventually THAT feels constricting because now I’ve placed myself into a box. Limitations creep in and I feel suffocated.

All of this can be quite energy depleting, not to mention overwhelming when I keep it all to myself. Hold it all in.

So I was reading a Wayne Dyer email I received (his family is still sending them out..how amazing is that?!) And the words he wrote were perfect for me to hear at just this exact moment. Something struck a chord in me.

I started balling! In fact, my cheeks are still wet as I write this..

I kept trying to “figure out” who I am in the eyes of others. I know myself, but how does the world see me? My family, my friends, my coworkers, strangers…

How am I showing up on the outside? I know how I’m feeling on the INSIDE…

Are my actions and decisions frowned upon? Should I go after a “soul-calling” to travel and experience the world without “security” of a job? Or should I just stay in one location for the rest of my life to suit everyone else? To hold on to the security of the job? To make others happy…and then maybe I will be too?

And the “conclusive question” I came to is this.. does it even matter?

Who cares what other people think?

Either way, people will think what they want to. Period.

There’s no changing that. I could try to manipulate people into thinking one way or another…but honestly, that’s a whole lot of work for something that truly doesn’t matter.

The real question is…”What do I think?”

That’s more true for me.

I know myself better than anyone else. Sometimes I don’t see things in myself and others help me to see aspects of my personality that I am blinded by..but my truest nature? I KNOW down to my BONES my truest nature.

And that is one of love.

Wayne Dyer is an amazing being.

Here are 2 little excerpts that I’ll leave you with today that totally rocked my world..

“Remove labels attached to your life. Make an attempt to describe yourself without using any labels. Write a few paragraphs in which you do not mention your age, sex, position, title, accomplishments, possessions, experiences, heritage or geographic data. Simple write a statement about who you are, independent of all appearances.

Cultivate your calling. Make an attempt to shift your career objective from self-absorption to a calling. That’s right, a calling. Remind yourself that this is an intelligent system and that you are here to be love and have love by serving. Use your talents and special interests to fulfill your service with your calling. Your life work will take on a dramatic shift toward abundance, and you will feel on purpose and on the path of the sacred quest.””

— Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Just. Be. YOU.

That is all God asks. That is all the universe asks.

We are all beings of light and love. Go and be that. Today.

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I love you,
❤ Brittany

Five years ALREADY?

So today is my 5-year wedding anniversary..(wow, has it really been five years?!) Interesting how the time goes by whether we ask it to or not..we can’t control it..and after all, time is just a feeling.

Anyway, back to the message at hand.. 😉

So I felt inclined to read through an old letter my husband wrote me last year, that I stumbled upon this morning in my dresser drawer. Of course, I was hit with tremendous waves of emotion..mainly those of deep gratitude, joy, and love.

I am so grateful to get to peek inside his heart at any given moment, day or night, through his gifts of the written word tucked away in notes for only my eyes to see.

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I love that he puts in the time and effort to express his love, devotion, and appreciation to me in his writing. I really am loved. And I am so grateful for that.

I wanted to write a blog-post, well..mainly because I’ve gotta get down to the REALITIES of life, love, and marriage..but ALSO I wrote too much within a single Facebook post (haha!) so I figured I’d transfer it over here where it’s more easily accessed, read, and so on..

Sooo…MARRIAGE. Oh, what to say about marriage.

It’s definitely not what I thought it would be..

It’s MORE.

Like, I never thought a person could encounter so much happiness, and struggle and pain, move through it, and end up on the other side stronger and more in love than ever. And oh, has it been a ride!

I’ve literally wanted to give up more times than I can count, thinking the grass would always be greener on the other side..but then after sticking through the tough times, speaking my truths, being completely torn apart and vulnerable and communicating with words and actions of love..failing with the love part sometimes a lot..but continuing on..

Well, it turns out that keeping both feet in only made for a better tomorrow..and the next day.

There’s a quote I’m reminded of in this moment..”That which is most satisfying is that which is earned. Anything received free of charge is seldom valued. You can’t get something for (from) nothing. The price is too high.” -Kekich Credo #38

So the message I really want to convey today is this: anything actually worth having will require a certain level of persistence, effort, commitment, and understanding. If I have learned anything in my marriage over the past five years, it is that we create our own realities and that we have all the power in the world to cultivate what we want in life… especially in our relationships, not only with ourselves, but with the ones we love most dear.

I am coming to realize that within this experience I call our “humanness,” is wherein lies absolute perfection.

Without the sudden changes, the unknowns, the plans not going according to plan.. all of it is on purpose. And we don’t have to understand right away, or ever know why. But, what we can do, is trust that in someway, whatever happens in our reality is what’s meant to happen. It’s what’s better for us in the long run. Even if we don’t fully understand it in the moment.

My marriage has been filled with all sorts of amazing things: lessons and learning, adventure, passion, love, joy, faithfulness, commitment..but I won’t delude anyone into thinking that it’s been an easy ride..or “perfect” in the sense that nothing painful ever happens.

Just because on my Facebook profile you only see the happy, adventurous, seemingly-perfect moments, doesn’t mean the exact opposite hasn’t been a complete part of my journey here as well. In fact, much of my time has been spent in darker places before the sun could shine through.

In my marriage over the past 5 years, there has been miscommunication, pain, personal suffering, confusion, questioning, fights, arguments, you name it… But in the end, and through it all, my husband and I both have grown tremendously and are exponentially stronger than ever for going through the pain, truly dealing with it, and moving forward.

I hope that this message can shed some light on some of the realities of life. I hope that what you gain from reading these words is that life in itself IS perfection. All of it’s seemingly random moments, the confusion, the pain, the struggle, the loss, and most of all the messiness.

It’s all a part of the journey.

And the more we can honor and embrace those tougher moments, and really GO deep within ourselves to find our truth and deal with what’s coming up for us, the better off we are in the long run.

I was chatting with my friend Brittany just last night..and we talked about the truth that “the old must die off, before the new can come in.” And what a solid truth that is..in ALL aspects of our lives!

So. Here’s to five-years my love! I am now such a radically changed human in comparison to who I was when we first met.. the old has officially died off (and continues to die more every day) and the new is shining through. I see light in our future. Abundance. Joy. Growth. And a whole lotta love.

I love you more than words could ever express and I look forward to the adventures and struggles that lie ahead..which will only serve to move us closer to our goals in healing the world and making it a better place..making a positive impact on those we meet along the way.

Happy sunshiney day! Be a light in the darkness. Find the magic in all the moments. And live with purpose. Joy. And a heart full of love.

Sincerely yours,
❤ B

The moment of realization

 

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Outside.

Just sitting in my chair.

Gorgeous morning.

The breeze flows through the leaves on trees swaying back and forth in one constant motion.

The sun is slightly diminished by the clouds, as if some filter were covering it.

And I sit.

In my chair.

Bundled up in the warmest clothes I could find – gloves and all. A fleece blanket swadling my legs.

I breathe deeply.

In…

and out.

A thought about work pops into my mind, so I allow the thoughts to take up space there, to go where they will. I never know where they’ll lead me, but they generally give me much needed perspective of where I am so far in life and how to get to where I’m going.

I start to think of all the people I work with.

And as I sit here breathing the fresh autumn air that is so abundant in this moment, I become aware of something: I have the ability to connect with each and every person I work with.

Every one of them!

But not only that, the biggest realization will come later. After those thoughts pass. I start feeling lighter.

Because for so many years I have been getting down on myself for not mastering something. Just one thing. Something that I am known for.

I feel sometimes that I am behind or failing somehow in life because I have dabbled in so many things, never focusing on just one area of life. Or work, especially.

And here’s what became the fuel of this post: The biggest realization is that I was supposed to just dabble. In LOTS of things! Because in doing so, I now have the ability to connect on so many different levels with so many different kinds of people!

(So there IS a method to the madness after all..) 🙂

And I am known for something – for positively affecting each person I come into contact with. For inspiring those around me. Loving unconditionally with my whole heart – living a life of compassion.

So let’s try again: Failure?

I think not.

I’m just where I need to be. In fact we ALL are!

I’m doing what I need to do. And I trust that I’ll continue to keep listening, doing what I feel led to do in every moment.


So how about you? What thoughts fill your mind?

I challenge you to dig deep and examine them.

To be present.

To put down the phone. Turn off the T.V. Just sit in silence for a change.

Watch your thoughts. Be consciously aware of them. After all, you may be surprised at what you’ll find. 😉


Thanks so much for reading!

I love you.

I hope this message inspires you to greatness 🙂

With all the energy and joy a heart can hold,
❤ Brittany

My apology letter to the world

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An apology letter to the world:

This letter was inspired from the feedback I got from sending emails to people that are close to me and that really know me. I sent out an email asking what my weaknesses and less strong points in life are, and got some amazing feedback.

Thank you to those who were involved! You are the greatest.


This letter goes out to all my friends, coworkers, colleagues, ex-boyfriends, acquaintances, and people I’ve never met yet. This is for all those times when I was a bear to be around, or someone you couldn’t trust.

This letter is to you.


I would like to formally apologize if I have ever, in the history of my life EVER offended you, hurt your feelings (intentionally OR unintentionally), or made negative & judgmental comments about you or anyone else.

I apologize for all the times I’ve been in my “extreme behavior modes,” where I was so extremely passionate about something that I got all up in your face about it, causing you to feel uncomfortable or awkward.

I’m sorry for all the times that I was so depressed and down on myself that I wasn’t there for you emotionally and spiritually.

I apologize for talking bad behind your back or for cursing you out during my crazy teenage years.

I’m sorry for being so selfish at times. For throwing ‘fits’ when I don’t get what I wanted. For expecting that everyone should do things MY WAY.

I’m sorry for all the times I tried to control and manipulate you into doing something you didn’t want to do or being someone you didn’t want to be.

I’m sorry for lying to you.

I’m sorry for cheating on you, kissing another guy when I was supposed to be with you.

I’m sorry for driving angry and yelling because I was so mad. For being crazy on the road, almost causing an accident.

I’m sorry for bossing you around, & telling you what to do.

I’m sorry for being so crabby when I’m tired. Or hungry.

I’m sorry for being resentful over things that happened SO long ago.

I’m sorry that I lose my patience with you, I want to be gentle, and loving and kind (even when situations don’t go as expected.)

I’m sorry that I had such high expectations of you that I nit-picked your life and made you feel like you weren’t good enough. You ARE good enough. You are MORE than enough.

I’m sorry for the times that I read into things too much and interpret things the way you don’t intend for me to. For distorting the truth along the way because of my insecurities or pre-judgements about you and your personality.

I’m sorry for ASSUMING. A lot. I understand that I don’t know, unless I know. I guess I just think I’m smart enough to come to those conclusions on my own. And I’m wrong. A lot.

I’m sorry for not admitting that I’m wrong.

I’m sorry for being so insecure. For lacking confidence when I know I’m better than that.

I’m sorry for not caring about how you feel sometimes, for caring more about my feelings, how I feel, and what I need.

I’m sorry for not being as generous as I want to be deep down.

I’m sorry for smothering you.

I’m sorry for not being a great friend sometimes, for not checking up on you as much as I want to and know I need to.

I’m sorry for not talking to you for 2 years. You are an AMAZING friend. It was just really hard for me. I know you understand, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I know it hurt you.

I’m sorry for not standing up for you. I wanted to but I was too scared.

I’m sorry for allowing fear to keep me from doing amazing things. From trusting you with my whole heart. Getting hurt hurts.

I’m sorry for stealing your money. I knew it was wrong, but I felt like I deserved it. I rationalized it with that clever mind of mine, but I really regret doing that. I learned my lesson though, and I haven’t taken anything that wasn’t mine since that day.

I’m sorry for not being genuine. For not having integrity.

I’m just sorry for it all.


If I could take it all back, I would. But it’s impossible, so I can’t. I can’t take away your pain. I can’t take back the words that I said, or the mean looks I gave.

But there is one thing I can do— And that is: I can do better from this day forward.

Every day we are forced to make choices. To make decisions.

And sometimes we make the right ones, and other times we don’t.

Sometimes we’re less careful, less cautious.

We hurt the people we love most.

There’s freedom in that though. We can learn from all of it!

That’s what we do: Learn from the tough stuff, learn from the great stuff, and then do the best we can with what we’ve got.

I hope this letter can serve as an inspiration for us all to do better. To give more. To be more.

To try to improve at least 1% each day.

That way, we can be 360% better in one year. Now THAT’S exciting!

What would our world look like if we all just tried to make our lives and the lives of others better?

Perhaps our world would become a more positive & encouraging place. People helping people.


And now I’d like to thank you.

Thank you for still being my friend.

Thank you for still believing in me.

Thank you for your forgiveness and for your kindness.

But most of all, thank you for your love.

Without you, my life just wouldn’t be the same.

So, thank you for being a part of my life.

Thank you for sticking by my side, even when I’m not my best self at times.

Thank you for being you.

I love you.


Thank you so much for reading my words. Feel free to comment, sharing your opinions or what comes up for you. Talk to you soon!

With super-charged gratitude, grace, and inner peace,
❤ Brittany

A new take on “Finding” your life’s purpose

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What’s your life’s purpose? Do you know?

I grew up being told that I had to ‘figure’ out my life’s purpose. I was told we all had one, and that each of us is here on earth for a specific reason. I was told that we’re all different and that we all have different life-purposes for how we are supposed to live our lives, and I wanted to figure out mine.

But how do I even think to go about that? What does a life-purpose look like? And how am I supposed to just figure it out?

I literally spent years trying to find out who I was, why I was here, and what on earth I was supposed to do with my life. After all, we should know by the time we’re ‘adults’–right?

Well maybe not just like that. There may be a different truth. (But you can decide for yourself what you want to believe.)


So I just recently read a quote somewhere in a book, a blog, or an article about a new way to look at our life’s purpose. Something that helps take the anxiety out of my life a bit. And the quote went something like this:

“We don’t ‘figure out’ our life’s purpose, we choose it.”

That means, that basically, we can have ANY life’s purpose imaginable! We can create, and re-create, choose, change our minds, recalibrate, then know for sure, without a doubt that this is going to be my life’s purpose from now on.

And you know what I believe?

I believe YES! All the way.

I believe very strongly that we will all continuously learn, and grow, and evolve. I believe that yes, we all DO have purpose.

But that it may not be just one.

I believe that in each and every moment, our life’s purpose is different.

For example, when I’m with my cat, my purpose is to be just that….with my cat. To take care of her needs in that moment. To love on her. To kiss on her. To play with her. To sit on her. (Wait, what?!) 🙂

Perhaps today my purpose will be to just sit still with her and watch her dream those sweet kitty dreams. But it changes throughout the day. Throughout each moment.

My purpose around my cat is ever-changing, and will always be that way.

Just like everything else.

Nothing stays the same. Nothing is permanent.

And that includes who we are now, verses who we will be 10 years from now.

Alongside our physical changes, comes mental changes. Changes in perspective. Our opinions change. Our identities change.

I think it would be silly to believe that our “life’s purpose” wouldn’t change as well. Or at least shift into a deeper or slightly different truth, don’t you think?


So, Id like to ask you again:

Today, in this moment, what is your life’s purpose? Do you know? Can you choose? (Keep in mind that your answer can be more than one!)

I challenge you today to be more aware. Be present. Be mindful.

Think about who you really are, and who you are supposed to be.

Think about what you were placed in this moment for, and what your role is within it.

And then do the thing you choose.

Do the best that you can.

And then move on into your next moment.

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Life is a constant shift.

The leaves of time are changing color.

What color will you choose?


I love you so much! I am so extremely grateful you stopped by. I’m here for you, whatever you need. Contact me, message me, comment below, whatever. I’d love to hear from you!! ❤


With intense and purposeful love & joy,
❤ Brittany

Excited as ever. Scared to death.

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I think we’ve all been here before.

We have a new, life-changing opportunity- say we landed a new job, found out we were pregnant, found the love of our life, bought a new home, got accepted to that highly esteemed university miles away from home.

And it’s interesting. When we’re really watching, we find that our emotions can be completely confusing.

On one hand, we’re really excited: “New life, Here we come!” And on the other hand we’re totally and extremely scared to death.

We introduce worry into our lives asking questions like:

– “What if I fail?”
– “What if I’m not good enough?”
– “What if I don’t measure up, and make a fool of myself?”

It’s this internal battle between excitement and fear that makes us feel so..

Confused.

We start questioning ourselves:

– “Was this the right move?”
– “Why the heck did I do this?”
– “Is this really even what I want?”


I bring this up because an amazing opportunity has been offered to me.

I went out in search of it, and things unfolded into something that has the potential to be a beautiful thing.

It’s not set in stone quite yet, so I’ll have to keep the details of it a secret for now.

But my emotions…Now those I can share with you! (And those of you who know me personally understand that I have plenty of them to go around!) 🙂

So more about this opportunity and my internal battle around it.

Awesome & Exciting Aspects:

  • It would be an amazing change of pace
  • Different, (better?) lifestyle
  • Adventure, and lots of it
  • New friends
  • Helping make a difference in people’s lives
  • Increase my personal independence and confidence
  • Multiple new opportunities
  • Learn another culture and language

Scary & Uncomfortable Aspects:

  • Long way from home, family, & friends
  • New surroundings/ way of life
  • Have never done it before, afraid of failure and not being good enough
  • Scared it won’t be as awesome as I think it will be
  • Afraid of being taken advantage of, since I’m new to it
  • Fear of looking stupid and people laughing at me
  • Scared my cat (my ultimate soul mate in life) will pass away while in my absence
  • Will be away for a while

I understand logically that the experience will be what I make it. I ultimately have the choice to see the positive side to the process. Not dwell on the less-than-great aspects.

I understand that nothing is permanent. I won’t be there forever. I won’t be in any one place forever for that matter. I ultimately have the choice to leave whenever I want. Because I can.

So I guess I’m coming to a possible conclusion that in order to welcome any change into our lives, we must be willing to let go of the stories. Let go of the thoughts that aren’t serving us. Because the truth is that I don’t know anything. I don’t know anything at all.

Maybe I’ll die later today and all my worries would be for nothing. The truth is that I don’t know what things will happen, good or bad. No one does.

So through this process of excitement and doubt, and the torn emotions I’ve been experiencing, I’ve come to realize that life is all about balance. It’s constant struggle to find the balances in our thoughts. Our emotions. Our lives.

Every moment is precious. Let’s start living each moment like we really believe that. When you start thinking thoughts that are full of worry, obsessing over the same old things, getting the same old results -(anxiety, depression, resentment, fear)- Acknowledge them, and allow them to pass.

Let them go.

Allow yourself to be free. Free from the mental clutter. The incessant chatter. Find the balance.

Be the balance.


Thank you so much for reading! (You made it to the end!)

I love you more than you know.

With all the gratitude a heart can hold,
❤ Brittany