Love, infinite love.
She is exactly that.
And as I sit here writing today, bittersweet feelings rush through my body. Feelings of grief and overwhelming sadness, but also of absolute joy and abundant love.
You see, my best friend in whole wide world, Precious, is entering her last stages of life. We’ve been joined at the hip for 17 years now, ever since I was 12.
She’s been through every thing with me: grade-school, summer vacations, jam-sessions, holidays, break-ups, adventures, graduations, marriage, the ups, the downs, and all of the in-betweens.
She’s heard my laughter and has seen my tears. She knows all of my secrets.
Memories upon memories we’ve shared..
And.. she’s dying.
I’ve seen this day coming for a while now, but it doesn’t make it any easier. So, in order to release what’s coming up for me during these tougher of times, I’m using writing as my outlet.
She’s here with me now, helping me as I write, (critiquing as always) and she says it’s okay to share some of her kitty-wisdom with you today. 🙂
I’d like to share with you all of my most “precious” lessons learned from this amazing, tiny, lady cat who may not speak much human, but has a tremendous way with words. She will forever live in my heart, and her spirit will never cease to guide me.
Lessons learned from my little bundle of joy:
❤ How to keep on going when the going gets tough.
❤ How to love so deeply that it hurts.
❤ How to comfort others.
❤ How to have fun.
❤ How to do what I want.
❤ How to not care what other people think.
❤ How to truly give and expect nothing in return (okay, except when treats are involved! 😉 )
❤ How to fight back when necessary.
❤ How to stay strong, even when I’m at my weakest.
❤ How to be gentle.
❤ How to find strength in the pain.
❤ How to flow through this river of life.
❤ How to be vulnerable.
❤ How to use my intuition.
❤ How to trust.
❤ How to be patient.
❤ How to speak my truth.
❤ How to fully enjoy life.
❤ How to relax.
❤ How to “just be.”
❤ How to be independent.
❤ How to soak up the sunshine on a warm summer day.
❤ How to be present.
❤ How to find peace.
She’s given me the true gift that keeps on giving, and that is real, absolute, and self-less love.
My mom messaged me the other day. She told me that “Precious is very lucky that you chose her.” And it’s funny, because although I’d like to buy into the story that “she’s the lucky one,” I feel that “I’m so lucky that she chose ME.”
She’s saved me.
Dr. Seuss says, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” That’s hard sometimes. And although I’ve had my bouts of tears, I can genuinely smile knowing that she’s lived a long and happy life, full of love and joy and adventure.
It’s tough sometimes, this life. We want so badly to hold on to things forever, but sometimes it’s more meaningful when we allow ourselves to let go.
It’s less painful. Less suffering.
True love lets go.
Since I really love her, I’ll have to allow myself to let her to drift off into that peaceful, and dreamless sleep. To rest. To be at peace.
I started feeling really anxious and heart-broken so I went outside to think and to meditate. I sat under the willow tree in my backyard.
And I cried.
Like that deep, most vulnerable cry… I cried like a child.
And as I sat, looking down at the grass that connects us all, I decided in that moment how I want to honor Precious when she passes on from this life in the physical world.
And (after clearing it with her of course) I’ve decided that I want to bury her under the willow. I decided it might be nice to also plant some shade-loving flowers over her that will come back every spring, in memory of her.
After all, she is my little flower, beautiful in every way.
She is also my love and is love in every sense of the word. She has made such a tremendous imprint on my heart and I’ll carry her for always.
I’d now like to send out a genuine token of appreciation to all of my friends and family for your love and never-ending support through this season of my life.
A most genuine “Thank you.”
To my husband, Nathan, who was there to support me through this last leg of the journey of Precious’ life, for being strong, and loving me through it all.
To my dad, who made countless trips to the store for more foods than he could ever have imagined buying for this picky little lady.
To my mom who was always there to comfort the girl when I was away, for all her love she’s given through the years.
To my sister, Denise, and my friend and soul-sister Kimberly, who would check in on me and kitty, sending all their love my way.
To Adyson, who would comfort and love on kitty when I was away..always being so gentle with her.
To Alejandra and Tyler who helped keep my heart light on the days when I felt the most despair.
To Sara, Zac and Katherine for prayers and the freedom from work to spend quality time with this girl.
To Dr. Zack who made this process a gentle one, believing that every thing happens in due-time. For respecting the natural processes of life, and of death.
To my friends and other soul-sisters Anna, Christian, and Meda for truly knowing and understanding the connection and depth of love one can have for a cat. For helping me not feel so crazy about loving mine so strongly, and with my whole heart.
And last but not least, to my Grandma and Grandpa Usher, for gifting me with this beautiful soul..these moments could never have been possible if we never went and picked out our tiny rescue kitty on that beautiful autumn day 🙂
I know there are many more friends that have meant so much to me that I have not named, (Cough, cough, Edwin!?) but know that you mean something too and that I am completely grateful for you. Each and every person in my life has helped me cope with each of life’s surprises in one way or another, and for that, I love you all. ❤
May we all find peace and love in the life that we were given. May we learn lessons in the tough times and help others in our moments of strength. May we love fully, even when it hurts.
I love you,