What are we committed to?

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Photo Credit @ Cailin Way Photography

What am I committed to? (I ask myself.)

Am I committed to my dreams, going after my destiny, achieving all I’ve set out to achieve, create, and become?

OR…

Am I committed to my story? The internal thought battle going on in my head about how “It’s not fair! I don’t have enough money! I don’t have enough time to work on my (crossing my fingers this works) business, I can’t learn how to play the guitar, I’m not cut out for this, Why me? I’m just not good enough!”

Am I more committed to DOING what I came here to do? Or am I too busy playing victim in my own life?

These are the questions I’m chewing on at the moment.

I have these desires, and dreams, and these callings from my soul that I’m meant for something GREATER than I’m currently showing up as in my daily life right now.

So, I get to have these wonderful conversations, gut-checks really, with myself. And with you.

Here goes nothing, haha!

What are we doing with our lives?

I’ll give you two scenarios:

1. Are we simply letting life pass us by, as we tell ourselves

“Maybe later. I’ll go after my dreams later. I’ll travel later. Right now’s not the best time. I’m not ready yet. I don’t know enough yet. Once I learn how to do build a website, THEN I’ll feel like I’m able to start telling people about my goal to be an entrepreneur. Once I’m older, I’ll be wiser. I’ll know more later, Once I retire I’ll do something about it. Until then, I’m okay. I’ll be okay. I’ll think about it later.”
And then life happens. And we forget. And we let go of all the amazing visions for our lives and settle for what we have now and tell ourselves that staying here forever with no upward shift or change is “good enough.”

OR

2. Are we learning about who we are, what we want, noticing the things (fears) that we allow to get in the way of us taking action, recognizing that “with every day that passes that we’re NOT taking action, (the tiny steps forward), that we are stalling in the face of the enemy…RESISTANCE?

By taking daily calculated actions toward what we want, we grow and learn about ourselves and the true nature of the world in the process. We get EXCITED to wake up each day and DO OUR WORK. The work we were meant to do.

To love fully, with our whole hearts. To find joy in each moment, whether it’s a mini dance party in our kitchen, a walk in our neighborhood, hugging the trees, lying in the sun on a hot summer’s day, taking a warm bubble bath after a hard day’s work, preparing a nourishing and heart warming meal, watching a funny show, hearing our children at play, the sound of laughter, laughing, smelling the roses as we walk by that familiar flower cart, smelling the freshly baked bread outside of the bakery around the corner.

Which scenario do we see ourselves choosing more often on a daily basis?

Do we choose

1. RESISTANCE?

Or

2. FREEDOM?

Are we noticing what we SAY we want, and what we are ACTUALLY taking action on, and DOING on a daily basis?

Do they add up?

Do we REALLY want what we say we want? Or are we fine with simply talking about it but not doing it?
Because the truth is that in every moment, we have a choice. Period.

We have a choice as to how we respond to life as it comes. How we respond to people in difficult and trying situations. We have a choice in the foods we buy at the store and put in our bodies. We have a choice in the kinds of shows we are watching, the music we listen to, the people we surround ourselves with. We have a choice as to WHO WE BECOME.

And who we are to become is born out of our actions, born of decisions, born of beliefs, which are born of our thoughts.

So what are we doing with our thoughts?

Are we committed to staying where we are, or are we committed to growth? Are we committed to telling more people about our problems, or are we committed to solving them?

Are we committed to listening to that voice that tells us to stay small?

Or

Are we committed to acknowledging that GIANT BEAST that lives within each and every one of us, utilizing it’s power to turn the seemingly impossible into POSSIBLE?

Steven Pressfield in his book The War of Art says this:

“The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist.
What henry Fonda does, after puking into the toilet in his dressing room, is to clean up and march out onstage. He’s still terrified but he forces himself forward in spite of his terror. He knows that once he gets out into the action, his fear will recede and he’ll be okay.”

And, wow! I couldn’t have said it better myself. So..in spite of fear, I ask you the question: What life do you REALLY wish to live? What legacy do you want to leave behind?

And most importantly, with these questions in mind..”What are you committed to?”

I love you so so much!! Thank you for reading. We are in this thing together! This thing called life. And all I have to say is..WE GOT THIS!! Whoohoo!!

I’ll see you at the bakery ‘round the corner.. 😉

XOXO,

❤ B.

P.S. Thank you Alexi Panos for the consistent inspiration for this post. I love you sweet soul!!

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The freaking rainbow..

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Soooo today I was ridiculous.

I mean, I believe my husband had his moments of ridiculousness too, but listen, we I started an argument while talking about a freaking rainbow.

Who does that?! (Me, that’s who.)

And I just had to keep on about it.

I am still learning how to love myself even when I find that I slip back into old patterns and behaviors, and sometimes it can be difficult for me. (My old habits run off of perfectionistic tendencies, but I have to say, I’m getting much better these days!)

So.

The story:

My husband and I were talking about a rainbow that my mom saw this morning.

She asked if I saw it.

I said “No.”

So she decided to send me a photo of it.

Gorgeous. Simply gorgeous.

The thing is, is that I got frustrated at my husband. We were talking about how my mom had sent me photo and I had to repeat something that he must’ve missed, or didn’t hear. Not a big deal really.

But my immediate brain response made it a big deal:

“Oh no! You weren’t heard! What you have to say doesn’t mean anything to him! You’re not important! He doesn’t care about you!”

So, my voice changed to a more sarcastic tone, and I repeated myself. Then I told him “I don’t feel heard.”

He walks away.

Okay, sure, whatever, maybe he needed space. Maybe he didn’t care. Who am I to know what goes through that brain of his? He just woke up anyway.

But my second-layer brain response decided to take that action (him walking away) and to apply meaning to it:

“Oh no! He doesn’t love you! He doesn’t even LIKE you anymore! He’s abandoning you! There’s no harmony! You can’t take that! Go find harmony! Your life depends on it!”

So I did. I went in search of that harmony…

And oh, did I get everything BUT harmony!!!

And the more the conversation escalated, the more hurt I felt, the more emotional I became, the more walled up he became, and it was just a mess.

Purely a mess, I tell ya. (And I thought we were over these silly disputes already..?)

Always a work in progress is correct.

And it reminds me of how our egos have a TON to tell us about “what’s next in line to be loved,” as Matt Kahn would say.

I found out MANY things about myself.

And although I would absolutely LOVE to point the finger and say all of the things I notice in HIM that HE could’ve done better, I can find changeable areas in myself first, heal those first, and then see if things like this silly argument happen again in the future.

So. What has Brittany learned today about herself today?

Well basically, everything I learned about myself that I am still ‘growing to love’ is purely universal. Meaning, we humans, collectively, have these 3 basic human needs:

1. Brittany wants to BE LOVED.

Like, this extreme need in difficult situations for others OUTSIDE of myself, the external, to show up as love in the form of smiles, hugs and “I love you’s.” Kisses are great too! 🙂 (I went outside and offered that up to myself directly after the fight, but I could’ve gone to that place sooner. I think it would’ve prevented the suffering I created for myself during the argument.)

2. Brittany wants to feel UNDERSTOOD.

I want people to see where I’m coming from, to understand WHY I feel the way I do, and to honor me in that space. (Again, I did this for myself, but sooner could’ve made me feel better for sure!)

3. Brittany wants to FEEL CONNECTED.

I feel a total disconnect with my husband when we are in disagreement. He walls up, and I fall apart.

I’d imagine it’s quite hilarious to watch! Haha 😉

But in the moment, everything feels SO. DAMN. CRUCIAL! I literally feel like there is a crisis in my body when I don’t FEEL connected to the other person.

And to myself.

Like Matt Kahn talks about in his book, Whatever Arises, Love That, it is when we abandon OURSELVES, that we feel abandoned. Although it would be nice to blame other people, our ‘problems’ never have anything to do with anyone else.

I never wish to abandon myself again.

So after multiple hours of tears, I mean literally hours straight tear rivers… And 5 hours AFTER the fight, I am moving through this.

I’ve been doing the work, psycho-analyzing myself, getting inspired and cultivating that feeling of POWER in my body, that feeling of STRENGTH in my mind, like I CAN be good to myself. I CAN be GREAT to myself!

And through healing myself, I can then help to heal others and be GREAT to others as well. 🙂

That, it’s not the end of the world because I slipped up today. (That’s a huge one. Because, perfectionism.)

That these moments are simply another lesson, aiding me in my journey to becoming MORE. Because it all really is a choice.

I wish to be empowered through this to become better, and not settle for playing victim like my old habit would, saying to myself:

“Yep. This is all there is. I’ll never be happy. My husband and I will never get along. We ALWAYS fight. I give up. I’m stuck with this asshole forever.”

Haha! Because it’s just NOT TRUE.

I always have a choice. WE always have a choice.

And I choose happiness. I choose freedom. And most of all, I choose LOVE.

I love you all so so very much! And I am feeling so much lighter by sharing what is on my heart with you in this moment.

Thank you for being here with me and for being a light in my darkness.

You are wonderful.

XOXO,
❤ Brittany

P.S. Here's the picture of "that freaking RAINBOW!!" Haha! 🙂

P.P.S Oh, and sorry babe. I love you ❤

How rich is YOUR life?

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Life is continually reminding me to take a closer look to the present moments I find myself in. Whether “doing another chore” or “just another day at work,” I’m learning that I can find the love and the beauty and the pure, innocent joy of being within it.

And when we think about it, that’s all we really DO have, are multiple, tiny moments all consecutively pieced together to create our reality we call “life.”

But have you ever thought for a second what would happen if you were to just live fully in each of the tiny moments?

To not be in such a hurry to rush off to the next one…to just fully embody the moment, noticing just how rich and full it really can be?

Something as simple as sitting under this willow tree I find myself under right now can become a truly rewarding, and life-giving experience.

Finding life in the unseemly of places..

Trust me. Just try it out in this moment now! Or the next.

Notice what thoughts or feelings or activities you may be resisting or not looking forward to.

Let it go..

And indulge in the delicacy of the moment that life has to offer you.

Not in the next 5 minutes, but RIGHT NOW.

What can you learn?
What can you notice?
What can you GIVE?

I love you.

My heart is SO full right now..

Full of gratitude.

Full of light.

But most of all..full of LOVE.

❤ B

P.S. You’ll notice that the more present you become, the deeply felt joy there is to find.

#livefully