The paradox of “seeking”

It is in the seeking of intangible things that I lose myself.

I lose that which was sought after, before the search ever began. And what I’m learning, is this:

“It is only until the seeker within me rests, that I am capable of finding all that I search for.”
——-
What do I search for, you may ask?

I search for peace. All I ever want is peace.

Peace: The greatest surrender of all, simplicity from within.

That feeling inside that is calm. No anxiety. No tension. No fight.

Peace.

That feeling you get when you breathe your deepest breath. All is at ease.

Your heart is light, and all feels right in the world.

Peace.

I go in search for it, but to no avail.

Because it is in the search for that which we seek, that destroys all that we search for, before we are capable of finding it.

And overtime, I’ve found that the peace I seek can only be found in surrender. The surrender of everything, of all.

To God. To life. To all that “is.”

I write upon these pages with the utmost peace in my heart, my body and my mind.

No seeking is required.

It is our truest nature.

It is found in the “un-search.”

It is found in just being.

I’m always seeking to find.

And what I’ve found, is there be no need for seeking at all.

I love you, ❤ B.

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What are we committed to?

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Photo Credit @ Cailin Way Photography

What am I committed to? (I ask myself.)

Am I committed to my dreams, going after my destiny, achieving all I’ve set out to achieve, create, and become?

OR…

Am I committed to my story? The internal thought battle going on in my head about how “It’s not fair! I don’t have enough money! I don’t have enough time to work on my (crossing my fingers this works) business, I can’t learn how to play the guitar, I’m not cut out for this, Why me? I’m just not good enough!”

Am I more committed to DOING what I came here to do? Or am I too busy playing victim in my own life?

These are the questions I’m chewing on at the moment.

I have these desires, and dreams, and these callings from my soul that I’m meant for something GREATER than I’m currently showing up as in my daily life right now.

So, I get to have these wonderful conversations, gut-checks really, with myself. And with you.

Here goes nothing, haha!

What are we doing with our lives?

I’ll give you two scenarios:

1. Are we simply letting life pass us by, as we tell ourselves

“Maybe later. I’ll go after my dreams later. I’ll travel later. Right now’s not the best time. I’m not ready yet. I don’t know enough yet. Once I learn how to do build a website, THEN I’ll feel like I’m able to start telling people about my goal to be an entrepreneur. Once I’m older, I’ll be wiser. I’ll know more later, Once I retire I’ll do something about it. Until then, I’m okay. I’ll be okay. I’ll think about it later.”
And then life happens. And we forget. And we let go of all the amazing visions for our lives and settle for what we have now and tell ourselves that staying here forever with no upward shift or change is “good enough.”

OR

2. Are we learning about who we are, what we want, noticing the things (fears) that we allow to get in the way of us taking action, recognizing that “with every day that passes that we’re NOT taking action, (the tiny steps forward), that we are stalling in the face of the enemy…RESISTANCE?

By taking daily calculated actions toward what we want, we grow and learn about ourselves and the true nature of the world in the process. We get EXCITED to wake up each day and DO OUR WORK. The work we were meant to do.

To love fully, with our whole hearts. To find joy in each moment, whether it’s a mini dance party in our kitchen, a walk in our neighborhood, hugging the trees, lying in the sun on a hot summer’s day, taking a warm bubble bath after a hard day’s work, preparing a nourishing and heart warming meal, watching a funny show, hearing our children at play, the sound of laughter, laughing, smelling the roses as we walk by that familiar flower cart, smelling the freshly baked bread outside of the bakery around the corner.

Which scenario do we see ourselves choosing more often on a daily basis?

Do we choose

1. RESISTANCE?

Or

2. FREEDOM?

Are we noticing what we SAY we want, and what we are ACTUALLY taking action on, and DOING on a daily basis?

Do they add up?

Do we REALLY want what we say we want? Or are we fine with simply talking about it but not doing it?
Because the truth is that in every moment, we have a choice. Period.

We have a choice as to how we respond to life as it comes. How we respond to people in difficult and trying situations. We have a choice in the foods we buy at the store and put in our bodies. We have a choice in the kinds of shows we are watching, the music we listen to, the people we surround ourselves with. We have a choice as to WHO WE BECOME.

And who we are to become is born out of our actions, born of decisions, born of beliefs, which are born of our thoughts.

So what are we doing with our thoughts?

Are we committed to staying where we are, or are we committed to growth? Are we committed to telling more people about our problems, or are we committed to solving them?

Are we committed to listening to that voice that tells us to stay small?

Or

Are we committed to acknowledging that GIANT BEAST that lives within each and every one of us, utilizing it’s power to turn the seemingly impossible into POSSIBLE?

Steven Pressfield in his book The War of Art says this:

“The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist.
What henry Fonda does, after puking into the toilet in his dressing room, is to clean up and march out onstage. He’s still terrified but he forces himself forward in spite of his terror. He knows that once he gets out into the action, his fear will recede and he’ll be okay.”

And, wow! I couldn’t have said it better myself. So..in spite of fear, I ask you the question: What life do you REALLY wish to live? What legacy do you want to leave behind?

And most importantly, with these questions in mind..”What are you committed to?”

I love you so so much!! Thank you for reading. We are in this thing together! This thing called life. And all I have to say is..WE GOT THIS!! Whoohoo!!

I’ll see you at the bakery ‘round the corner.. 😉

XOXO,

❤ B.

P.S. Thank you Alexi Panos for the consistent inspiration for this post. I love you sweet soul!!

Oh resistance, how I love you.

Resistance.

I wake to the sound of her voice every day.

She dwells within me. And tugs at my heart.

The heaviness in my chest. The lack of inspiration, motivation. Of courage, to do what I know I came to do.

Most times she wins; she never tires, and fights to the death.

Sometimes I feel like I’m dying.

But then I remember.. I’m still alive.

As I tear her claws out from under my skin, from whence they came, I feel a slight urge to give in. To give up. To accept my defeat, because in surrendering I can now rest. No longer must the fight live on.

But I don’t.

And deep down I know that I’m not defeated. That I will never accept defeat as long as I live, as long as my heart still beats, as long as I breathe.

Resistance. It never quits. And it never leaves.

——

Nearly four months ago, I wrote a blog post. Since then, I’ve had this thought, this feeling, like “What’s the point? Nobody wants to read these words anyway. I don’t feel like it. I don’t make a difference. WHO AM I?!”

And then..today.

Today, I realized that I’m going crazy without this form of expression. That I don’t have to do everything for other people. I can do it for myself.

So.

I write these pages. As a form of art. As expression, through written word.

If a person reads this, great.

If not? No problem!

Because THIS? This is a part of ME. And it’s about time I give myself permission to simply write for the sake of writing. To live for the sake of living. To share for the sake of sharing, knowing that all that moves through me is a form of art, of love.

Not so that I can “become famous” or “make a shit-load of money” or “CHANGE THE WORLD!!”

No.

None of that.

I mean, it sounds great and all…

Ambitious.

But for me, these above reasons will never be strong enough “whys.”

Because it can never BE about ME. It must be about the mission, to share what’s on my heart. To help others. To love, to serve, to grow.

It must simply be for the sake of expression. Of practicing the art and flow of life: energy in, energy out.

Make. Do. Create. Express. LIVE FULLY with no regrets.

I’m a writer. So I write. I’m a singer so I sing. I’m a child so I play, and I laugh and I find a reason to have fun.

I am an artist. And so are YOU.

Because we were created, we are creation. Therefore, we create.

It is innate within us. To form ideas and solve problems, and make babies. To prepare beautiful meals, to decorate our homes, to dress ourselves and create our own individual style.

We are creators.

We create with our thoughts- create emotions and dreams and visions of the future. We create the feeling of love in our heart, because it feels good.

And then we write about it. Talk about it. Express it in some way.

We go jogging on the beach, we dance in a rainstorm, we pray on our knees, and we sit in silence with a candle flickering in the darkness nearby.

We are creators.

We express ourselves. We live our lives to the best of our ability and through it all, resistance rests on our left shoulder…in an effort to keep us from doing what we really wish to do, becoming all that we wish to become, to creating the life that we are destined to create, and live, and thrive within.

I’m writing a blog post today. And it’s not perfect.

What the hell is “perfect” anyway?

This post is created. That in itself IS perfection. The pushing past the resistance IS the success. Knowing that resistance is right here with us as I write these words, as you read these pages…

But I’m writing them anyway.

And you’re reading them.

Every single thing that we could ever want in life is a single thought away. We think it, we plan it, we focus on it, we take action to achieve it, and eventually (never overnight) we succeed. We have completed what we set out for.

I believe it starts in becoming friends with this enemy we call “resistance,” the mother of my “un-success” in many areas of life. The voice in my head that has kept me from doing all the things I wish to do because I am afraid.

Becoming friends with resistance: inviting her in, allowing her to help in the process of doing, creating, becoming, and achieving all that we set out to do.

That is where the next step to our success lies.

We choose not to fight to the death, but to quit the fight before it even begins.

We get to fall in love..

And magic happens. Words are born onto these pages.

——

So here’s to you.

The sweet and precious one I call resistance, how I love you.

❤ B.

 

Getting older and living deeply

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Cailin Way Photography @ cailinwayphoto.com

 

So tomorrow’s my birthday.

December 18th. A week before Christmas.

Mixed emotions fill my heart and mind as I ponder about whether to be excited or simply scared to death.

As you might tell from my previous thought, I have extreme tendencies. It’s my habit to be all or nothing.

So, this life?

It’s my practice. The art of finding balance.

And oh what a practice it is.

You see, I set high expectations for myself. Having perfectionistic tendencies to top it all off, and that my friend can be a recipe for disaster.

Or not.

The reality lies in a simple matter of choice.

What do I choose?

Because in reality, life is all about choosing. We always have choice.

We may not recognize it, or be aware of it, but it’s always there. Waiting for us to choose. Then take action.

So, tomorrow’s my birthday. And I feel damn excited.

And you know why? Because I choose to be.

And all of that other stuff? The perfectionism, high expectations, anxieties and disappointments in life?

That can to go to the wind.

Because the life I choose to live is a conscious one. To be a light. To love deeply, knowing that pain will come in life no matter what because it’s life.

Pain is here to teach us something.
To give us clues as to what’s next to learn during our journey here. So why not give it all we’ve got?

I feel my experience of life continues to grow deeper by the day, I feel life intensely, wholeheartedly, fully. I know the truth of who I am. And that fear? The fears of making mistakes, the fears of not being enough, judgement and disapproval?

That fear that does so great at keeping me small?

No longer will it win.

Not if I have anything to say about it. Not here, not now.

And you know why?

Because I have a message to share.

To the WORLD.

And it’s not my message, but the absolute truth that the universe turns on in cycles as its effect.

And that message is one of love. Of light. Of abundance, and radiance!

Of life.

So, I’m getting older?

Sure.

And it’s absolutely beautiful.

Brilliant, really.

Because you know why?

Because it is. And the “isness” of this life is indeed perfection.

Absolute divine perfection.

———————

Thank you so much for reading!

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Also, feel free to check out my YouTube Channel here where I post short inspirational videos, music, and other random musings: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDHpEALAPz2TCtZIFLBF0tQ

😉 Muah!

I love you,
Brittany

The art of life

The art of life is love, which can only be found in the stripping away of false things. Love is the innate nature within all of us. It is the process of letting go.

Letting go of the hurt, jealousy, comparison, and self-hate. Letting go of the outdated thought patterns no longer serving us. The pains, frustrations, anger and resentment we harbor deep within our souls.

And once we understand this, when we truly understand that the source of love comes from within, it is then possible to master it. To master the art of love, starting with ourselves.

That’s when the real magic happens.

That’s when we say “I do” to the dance. When we can start living IN the game of life, instead of watching from the sidelines – just waiting to be chosen.

So what if I told you that the magic of life isn’t found in the seeking and finding, but rather quite the opposite?

Because it’s true.

True living happens when we become more present with ourselves and what’s going on around us. It happens when we give more than we take. It’s in the smiles and the laughter. In the tears that tell stories. In the hugs and the highfives.

So what I want to tell myself right now is this:

“Stop waiting.”

Stop waiting for love to find YOU, and give it to others instead.

Stop waiting to open your heart. It may feel uncomfortable, but it is in the discomfort and pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone where you’ll find true progress.

And healing.

And love.

———-

That’s it.

Stop with the waiting.

Start being a REAL player in your own life.

Let go. Let love. And just dance.

I love you more than chocolate,
❤ Brittany

———-
P.S. Notice I said more than chocolate. Now that’s sayin’ a lot!

P.P.S. Isn’t that a freaking INCREDIBLE photo?! If you want more, check out my dear friend Cailin Way’s photography page here! 🙂

Coming back to love

When I come back to a place of love, I don’t feel empty any longer.

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I was just thinking about life.. like I normally do. Deeply analyzing why I’m doing what I’m doing, why I have certain thoughts, why I believe what I believe, and how I’m forming decisions.

Trying to define myself all the while…that’s how I feel secure in life..to have this “role” I define myself by, whether it be job title or family title…but eventually THAT feels constricting because now I’ve placed myself into a box. Limitations creep in and I feel suffocated.

All of this can be quite energy depleting, not to mention overwhelming when I keep it all to myself. Hold it all in.

So I was reading a Wayne Dyer email I received (his family is still sending them out..how amazing is that?!) And the words he wrote were perfect for me to hear at just this exact moment. Something struck a chord in me.

I started balling! In fact, my cheeks are still wet as I write this..

I kept trying to “figure out” who I am in the eyes of others. I know myself, but how does the world see me? My family, my friends, my coworkers, strangers…

How am I showing up on the outside? I know how I’m feeling on the INSIDE…

Are my actions and decisions frowned upon? Should I go after a “soul-calling” to travel and experience the world without “security” of a job? Or should I just stay in one location for the rest of my life to suit everyone else? To hold on to the security of the job? To make others happy…and then maybe I will be too?

And the “conclusive question” I came to is this.. does it even matter?

Who cares what other people think?

Either way, people will think what they want to. Period.

There’s no changing that. I could try to manipulate people into thinking one way or another…but honestly, that’s a whole lot of work for something that truly doesn’t matter.

The real question is…”What do I think?”

That’s more true for me.

I know myself better than anyone else. Sometimes I don’t see things in myself and others help me to see aspects of my personality that I am blinded by..but my truest nature? I KNOW down to my BONES my truest nature.

And that is one of love.

Wayne Dyer is an amazing being.

Here are 2 little excerpts that I’ll leave you with today that totally rocked my world..

“Remove labels attached to your life. Make an attempt to describe yourself without using any labels. Write a few paragraphs in which you do not mention your age, sex, position, title, accomplishments, possessions, experiences, heritage or geographic data. Simple write a statement about who you are, independent of all appearances.

Cultivate your calling. Make an attempt to shift your career objective from self-absorption to a calling. That’s right, a calling. Remind yourself that this is an intelligent system and that you are here to be love and have love by serving. Use your talents and special interests to fulfill your service with your calling. Your life work will take on a dramatic shift toward abundance, and you will feel on purpose and on the path of the sacred quest.””

— Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Just. Be. YOU.

That is all God asks. That is all the universe asks.

We are all beings of light and love. Go and be that. Today.

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I love you,
❤ Brittany

The Present..it’s a gift.

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I was never taught, growing up, about being present. About truly living in the moment. My head was generally up in the clouds somewhere looking to the future. Looking forward to my next ice cream bar, or my next chance at going swimming at the local pool.

It would seem that we are naturally born with this gift, (of being present in the now), but it seems that as we age things change. We learn new things. New ways of thinking. We learn to get stuck in the past, or anxiously await the future and what it has to hold.

For me personally in my adult life, the past had become a sad and dark place. Full of guilt and regret. Full of stories. I would tell myself stories of how I was maltreated in relationships with men. I’d play victim. I’d allow my past to define me as a person.

Who I am.

Who others are.

Assuming all the while that because of past behaviors, people were who they are. And things would never change. They’d be that way forever.

I’d play a story in my mind about my future. I’d say things like, “I can’t.” “I’m not good enough.” Defeating myself before I even began. Defeating myself before puting effort into something I desperately wanted to achieve.

Being present has never been easy for me, and I’m continuously training myself with each day, bringing myself back. Back to reality. Back to myself. In this moment.

“Who am I in this moment right now?”

Presence in life is precious. It’s a gift. That’s why they all it the present. It’s where all the real-time action takes place. The excitement. The misery. The inbetweens. The confusion. All equally important and necessary for living a well-balanced life.

The present is the most important place you could be at any given time. And there are tons of benefits to being fully present. Throughout your day. And in your life.

#1. You can truly listen.

I’s a well-known fact that we all love to be heard. During conversations with others, it’s quite obvious when someone is truly listening to what you have to say and responding–vs–when someone is in their own head, with their own agenda, just waiting for you to close your mouth. They can’t wait just tell you what’s in their mind!

Some people like to just brain-dump on people randomly in conversations instead of keeping engaged in the subject at hand, listening, and responding to what’s happening. Right then. In the moment.

You might find that by becoming more present in life that people will actually want to be around you more and really desire your presence. But you’ve gotta’ listen.

Don’t try and solve their problems. Just listen.

When you’re not in your head calculating — when you’re truly listening — magical things can happen.

This brings me to my next point, because when you’re totally present and truly listening..

#2. You build a foundation of trust.

People confide more in people who are in the moment. It’s like a natural instinct we all have or something.

They can trust, that in the future, you’ll be there. You’ll be that person to go to for guidance, for a shoulder to cry on, for a deeper connection.

When you’re not in your head, creating your own agenda, you can start to help others in a more authentic way.

You can truly be grateful for moments. For other people. For yourself.

And gratitude, as we all know, makes us feel whole. Gives us feelings of abundance.

Which leads to my last point. By being present..

#3. You gain a sense of well-being.

Your health actually improves physiologically when you’re mentally present in all your moments. You can check in to your body and how it feels.

Get a sense of what makes you feel good. What makes you feel great.

You get a good look into the effect people have on you — whether they’re a drain. Or a fountain.

Whether they’re toxic. Or whether nourish you.

You’re not stuck in the past nor the future. You’re experiencing new things. Creating new thoughts and thought patterns.

You just feel better!

You’re not stuck in the story of the past where you play victim and feel sorry for yourself. Feeling victimized for all the things that have ever happened to you.

You’re free.

No longer are you stuck in the future, telling yourself stories of how you can’t get what you want out of life. About how you can’t achieve greatness.

You’re in the present moment. So you just start doing. Start achieving.

You become yourself again. The true you.

Simple. Pure. Real.

YOU.

You’ve arrived home within yourself.

And what a gift.

Afterall, there’s no place like home.


Thank you so much for reading, friend. I am truly grateful for you.

Thank you for being present with me in this moment. It feels good, doesn’t it? 😉

I challenge you to put an effort in becoming more present in your day, and in your life.

Start today! Right now.

Bring yourself back home. Live a richer, fuller life. And just be.

With gratitude and grace,
❤ Brittany

Comments on the site are always welcome! Thanks again friends, you're amazing. ❤