Five years ALREADY?

So today is my 5-year wedding anniversary..(wow, has it really been five years?!) Interesting how the time goes by whether we ask it to or not..we can’t control it..and after all, time is just a feeling.

Anyway, back to the message at hand.. 😉

So I felt inclined to read through an old letter my husband wrote me last year, that I stumbled upon this morning in my dresser drawer. Of course, I was hit with tremendous waves of emotion..mainly those of deep gratitude, joy, and love.

I am so grateful to get to peek inside his heart at any given moment, day or night, through his gifts of the written word tucked away in notes for only my eyes to see.

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I love that he puts in the time and effort to express his love, devotion, and appreciation to me in his writing. I really am loved. And I am so grateful for that.

I wanted to write a blog-post, well..mainly because I’ve gotta get down to the REALITIES of life, love, and marriage..but ALSO I wrote too much within a single Facebook post (haha!) so I figured I’d transfer it over here where it’s more easily accessed, read, and so on..

Sooo…MARRIAGE. Oh, what to say about marriage.

It’s definitely not what I thought it would be..

It’s MORE.

Like, I never thought a person could encounter so much happiness, and struggle and pain, move through it, and end up on the other side stronger and more in love than ever. And oh, has it been a ride!

I’ve literally wanted to give up more times than I can count, thinking the grass would always be greener on the other side..but then after sticking through the tough times, speaking my truths, being completely torn apart and vulnerable and communicating with words and actions of love..failing with the love part sometimes a lot..but continuing on..

Well, it turns out that keeping both feet in only made for a better tomorrow..and the next day.

There’s a quote I’m reminded of in this moment..”That which is most satisfying is that which is earned. Anything received free of charge is seldom valued. You can’t get something for (from) nothing. The price is too high.” -Kekich Credo #38

So the message I really want to convey today is this: anything actually worth having will require a certain level of persistence, effort, commitment, and understanding. If I have learned anything in my marriage over the past five years, it is that we create our own realities and that we have all the power in the world to cultivate what we want in life… especially in our relationships, not only with ourselves, but with the ones we love most dear.

I am coming to realize that within this experience I call our “humanness,” is wherein lies absolute perfection.

Without the sudden changes, the unknowns, the plans not going according to plan.. all of it is on purpose. And we don’t have to understand right away, or ever know why. But, what we can do, is trust that in someway, whatever happens in our reality is what’s meant to happen. It’s what’s better for us in the long run. Even if we don’t fully understand it in the moment.

My marriage has been filled with all sorts of amazing things: lessons and learning, adventure, passion, love, joy, faithfulness, commitment..but I won’t delude anyone into thinking that it’s been an easy ride..or “perfect” in the sense that nothing painful ever happens.

Just because on my Facebook profile you only see the happy, adventurous, seemingly-perfect moments, doesn’t mean the exact opposite hasn’t been a complete part of my journey here as well. In fact, much of my time has been spent in darker places before the sun could shine through.

In my marriage over the past 5 years, there has been miscommunication, pain, personal suffering, confusion, questioning, fights, arguments, you name it… But in the end, and through it all, my husband and I both have grown tremendously and are exponentially stronger than ever for going through the pain, truly dealing with it, and moving forward.

I hope that this message can shed some light on some of the realities of life. I hope that what you gain from reading these words is that life in itself IS perfection. All of it’s seemingly random moments, the confusion, the pain, the struggle, the loss, and most of all the messiness.

It’s all a part of the journey.

And the more we can honor and embrace those tougher moments, and really GO deep within ourselves to find our truth and deal with what’s coming up for us, the better off we are in the long run.

I was chatting with my friend Brittany just last night..and we talked about the truth that “the old must die off, before the new can come in.” And what a solid truth that is..in ALL aspects of our lives!

So. Here’s to five-years my love! I am now such a radically changed human in comparison to who I was when we first met.. the old has officially died off (and continues to die more every day) and the new is shining through. I see light in our future. Abundance. Joy. Growth. And a whole lotta love.

I love you more than words could ever express and I look forward to the adventures and struggles that lie ahead..which will only serve to move us closer to our goals in healing the world and making it a better place..making a positive impact on those we meet along the way.

Happy sunshiney day! Be a light in the darkness. Find the magic in all the moments. And live with purpose. Joy. And a heart full of love.

Sincerely yours,
❤ B

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How rich is YOUR life?

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Life is continually reminding me to take a closer look to the present moments I find myself in. Whether “doing another chore” or “just another day at work,” I’m learning that I can find the love and the beauty and the pure, innocent joy of being within it.

And when we think about it, that’s all we really DO have, are multiple, tiny moments all consecutively pieced together to create our reality we call “life.”

But have you ever thought for a second what would happen if you were to just live fully in each of the tiny moments?

To not be in such a hurry to rush off to the next one…to just fully embody the moment, noticing just how rich and full it really can be?

Something as simple as sitting under this willow tree I find myself under right now can become a truly rewarding, and life-giving experience.

Finding life in the unseemly of places..

Trust me. Just try it out in this moment now! Or the next.

Notice what thoughts or feelings or activities you may be resisting or not looking forward to.

Let it go..

And indulge in the delicacy of the moment that life has to offer you.

Not in the next 5 minutes, but RIGHT NOW.

What can you learn?
What can you notice?
What can you GIVE?

I love you.

My heart is SO full right now..

Full of gratitude.

Full of light.

But most of all..full of LOVE.

❤ B

P.S. You’ll notice that the more present you become, the deeply felt joy there is to find.

#livefully

Lessons learned from my friend who is dying

Love, infinite love.

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She is exactly that.

And as I sit here writing today, bittersweet feelings rush through my body. Feelings of grief and overwhelming sadness, but also of absolute joy and abundant love.

You see, my best friend in whole wide world, Precious, is entering her last stages of life. We’ve been joined at the hip for 17 years now, ever since I was 12.

She’s been through every thing with me: grade-school, summer vacations, jam-sessions, holidays, break-ups, adventures, graduations, marriage, the ups, the downs, and all of the in-betweens.

She’s heard my laughter and has seen my tears. She knows all of my secrets.

Memories upon memories we’ve shared..

And.. she’s dying.


I’ve seen this day coming for a while now, but it doesn’t make it any easier. So, in order to release what’s coming up for me during these tougher of times, I’m using writing as my outlet.

She’s here with me now, helping me as I write, (critiquing as always) and she says it’s okay to share some of her kitty-wisdom with you today. 🙂

I’d like to share with you all of my most “precious” lessons learned from this amazing, tiny, lady cat who may not speak much human, but has a tremendous way with words. She will forever live in my heart, and her spirit will never cease to guide me.

Lessons learned from my little bundle of joy:

❤ How to keep on going when the going gets tough.
❤ How to love so deeply that it hurts.
❤ How to comfort others.
❤ How to have fun.
❤ How to do what I want.
❤ How to not care what other people think.
❤ How to truly give and expect nothing in return (okay, except when treats are involved! 😉 )
❤ How to fight back when necessary.
❤ How to stay strong, even when I’m at my weakest.
❤ How to be gentle.
❤ How to find strength in the pain.
❤ How to flow through this river of life.
❤ How to be vulnerable.
❤ How to use my intuition.
❤ How to trust.
❤ How to be patient.
❤ How to speak my truth.
❤ How to fully enjoy life.
❤ How to relax.
❤ How to “just be.”
❤ How to be independent.
❤ How to soak up the sunshine on a warm summer day.
❤ How to be present.
❤ How to find peace.


She’s given me the true gift that keeps on giving, and that is real, absolute, and self-less love.

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My mom messaged me the other day. She told me that “Precious is very lucky that you chose her.” And it’s funny, because although I’d like to buy into the story that “she’s the lucky one,” I feel that “I’m so lucky that she chose ME.”

She’s saved me.

Dr. Seuss says, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” That’s hard sometimes. And although I’ve had my bouts of tears, I can genuinely smile knowing that she’s lived a long and happy life, full of love and joy and adventure.

It’s tough sometimes, this life. We want so badly to hold on to things forever, but sometimes it’s more meaningful when we allow ourselves to let go.

It’s less painful. Less suffering.

True love lets go.

Since I really love her, I’ll have to allow myself to let her to drift off into that peaceful, and dreamless sleep. To rest. To be at peace.

I started feeling really anxious and heart-broken so I went outside to think and to meditate. I sat under the willow tree in my backyard.

And I cried.

Like that deep, most vulnerable cry… I cried like a child.

And as I sat, looking down at the grass that connects us all, I decided in that moment how I want to honor Precious when she passes on from this life in the physical world.

And (after clearing it with her of course) I’ve decided that I want to bury her under the willow. I decided it might be nice to also plant some shade-loving flowers over her that will come back every spring, in memory of her.

After all, she is my little flower, beautiful in every way.

She is also my love and is love in every sense of the word. She has made such a tremendous imprint on my heart and I’ll carry her for always.

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I’d now like to send out a genuine token of appreciation to all of my friends and family for your love and never-ending support through this season of my life.


A most genuine “Thank you.”

To my husband, Nathan, who was there to support me through this last leg of the journey of Precious’ life, for being strong, and loving me through it all.

To my dad, who made countless trips to the store for more foods than he could ever have imagined buying for this picky little lady.

To my mom who was always there to comfort the girl when I was away, for all her love she’s given through the years.

To my sister, Denise, and my friend and soul-sister Kimberly, who would check in on me and kitty, sending all their love my way.

To Adyson, who would comfort and love on kitty when I was away..always being so gentle with her.

To Alejandra and Tyler who helped keep my heart light on the days when I felt the most despair.

To Sara, Zac and Katherine for prayers and the freedom from work to spend quality time with this girl.

To Dr. Zack who made this process a gentle one, believing that every thing happens in due-time. For respecting the natural processes of life, and of death.

To my friends and other soul-sisters Anna, Christian, and Meda for truly knowing and understanding the connection and depth of love one can have for a cat. For helping me not feel so crazy about loving mine so strongly, and with my whole heart.

And last but not least, to my Grandma and Grandpa Usher, for gifting me with this beautiful soul..these moments could never have been possible if we never went and picked out our tiny rescue kitty on that beautiful autumn day 🙂

I know there are many more friends that have meant so much to me that I have not named, (Cough, cough, Edwin!?) but know that you mean something too and that I am completely grateful for you. Each and every person in my life has helped me cope with each of life’s surprises in one way or another, and for that, I love you all. ❤

May we all find peace and love in the life that we were given. May we learn lessons in the tough times and help others in our moments of strength. May we love fully, even when it hurts.

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I love you,
❤ B

Excited as ever. Scared to death.

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I think we’ve all been here before.

We have a new, life-changing opportunity- say we landed a new job, found out we were pregnant, found the love of our life, bought a new home, got accepted to that highly esteemed university miles away from home.

And it’s interesting. When we’re really watching, we find that our emotions can be completely confusing.

On one hand, we’re really excited: “New life, Here we come!” And on the other hand we’re totally and extremely scared to death.

We introduce worry into our lives asking questions like:

– “What if I fail?”
– “What if I’m not good enough?”
– “What if I don’t measure up, and make a fool of myself?”

It’s this internal battle between excitement and fear that makes us feel so..

Confused.

We start questioning ourselves:

– “Was this the right move?”
– “Why the heck did I do this?”
– “Is this really even what I want?”


I bring this up because an amazing opportunity has been offered to me.

I went out in search of it, and things unfolded into something that has the potential to be a beautiful thing.

It’s not set in stone quite yet, so I’ll have to keep the details of it a secret for now.

But my emotions…Now those I can share with you! (And those of you who know me personally understand that I have plenty of them to go around!) 🙂

So more about this opportunity and my internal battle around it.

Awesome & Exciting Aspects:

  • It would be an amazing change of pace
  • Different, (better?) lifestyle
  • Adventure, and lots of it
  • New friends
  • Helping make a difference in people’s lives
  • Increase my personal independence and confidence
  • Multiple new opportunities
  • Learn another culture and language

Scary & Uncomfortable Aspects:

  • Long way from home, family, & friends
  • New surroundings/ way of life
  • Have never done it before, afraid of failure and not being good enough
  • Scared it won’t be as awesome as I think it will be
  • Afraid of being taken advantage of, since I’m new to it
  • Fear of looking stupid and people laughing at me
  • Scared my cat (my ultimate soul mate in life) will pass away while in my absence
  • Will be away for a while

I understand logically that the experience will be what I make it. I ultimately have the choice to see the positive side to the process. Not dwell on the less-than-great aspects.

I understand that nothing is permanent. I won’t be there forever. I won’t be in any one place forever for that matter. I ultimately have the choice to leave whenever I want. Because I can.

So I guess I’m coming to a possible conclusion that in order to welcome any change into our lives, we must be willing to let go of the stories. Let go of the thoughts that aren’t serving us. Because the truth is that I don’t know anything. I don’t know anything at all.

Maybe I’ll die later today and all my worries would be for nothing. The truth is that I don’t know what things will happen, good or bad. No one does.

So through this process of excitement and doubt, and the torn emotions I’ve been experiencing, I’ve come to realize that life is all about balance. It’s constant struggle to find the balances in our thoughts. Our emotions. Our lives.

Every moment is precious. Let’s start living each moment like we really believe that. When you start thinking thoughts that are full of worry, obsessing over the same old things, getting the same old results -(anxiety, depression, resentment, fear)- Acknowledge them, and allow them to pass.

Let them go.

Allow yourself to be free. Free from the mental clutter. The incessant chatter. Find the balance.

Be the balance.


Thank you so much for reading! (You made it to the end!)

I love you more than you know.

With all the gratitude a heart can hold,
❤ Brittany

Living Consciously

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So I’ve been reading a lot lately on the idea of living consciously. This way of life is a bit foreign to us these days, where it seems as if everyone is just trying to get by and survive each day as it comes.

Many people form habits on a subconscious level (throughout their life-time) and without even realizing it, do certain things automatically, as if they are on auto-pilot at times.

This is the kind of behavior that can cause us to live less conscious lives than we could be living, and that’s what we will focus on today: the idea of conscious living.

So what does it even mean to ‘live consciously’?

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Well, here’s where I turn to my good friend Nathaniel Branden for his take on the subject, as he knows plenty more than I in this regard!

These are excerpts taken from different sections of his book The Art of Living Consciously that will give us a general view of what this might look like:

“Living consciously has its roots in respect for reality-a respect for facts and truth…living in a rational world. To live consciously, we need to develop what I call ‘a sense of reality.’ One of the meanings of living consciously is: Pay attention to what works, and do more of it, and try to understand the principles involved. And also: Pay attention to what doesn’t work, and stop doing it.”

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Personally, I like the idea of living consciously because it’s a way of life that seeks to keep us in a constant state of awareness. If we seek to live out our days this way, we’re not so easily taken by surprise.

We don’t have that moment when all of a sudden we come to realize we’ve just been ‘going through the motions’ our entire lives, and now it’s too late for a re-do. The time is gone. We cannot get it back.

Living life ‘on purpose’ is conducive to long-term growth and development, and allows you (if you so choose) to grow, and learn, and better yourself in all walks of life.

Many people think that if they were to start living consciously that living life would be too painful, that they wouldn’t be able to deal with their problems or be able to cope with the life they’ve created for themselves.

But I say nonsense.

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I say that by living consciously you will actually do yourself a favor. You will benefit yourself more in the long-run, enabling you to see where you are now in order to make the necessary changes it takes to get to where you want to be.

Live consciously, and be free.

Be aware.

Be love.

If you have any questions, ideas, or opinions you’d like to share, feel free to leave me a note on the site! And as usual, comments and feedback are always welcome : )

Lookin’ for love

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There’s a trend going on all around us: people with the desire to feel important, to feel beautiful, to feel powerful and in charge. Deep down, (whether we recognize it or not), each of us hold these emotions, subconsciously taking steps to get what we really want.

It’s important to realize that every action we take is caused by a deep-seeded emotion’s desire to be filled. This means that deep down we are in want of something, something that is very important to us. Once our minds figure out what it is, we will go to whatever extreme necessary to get it (many times resulting in difficult behavior.) Difficult behavior is almost always perpetuated from these emotional desires that we may not even realize exist.

Women aren’t argumentative with their husbands for the mere sake of arguing-women argue with their husbands because they want to be right. If they lose the argument, it means they are wrong. And if they are labeled as wrong, they might as well be stupid, no-good, worthless, and rejected. I know what you’re thinking dudes, (and I hate to break it to you), but this doesn’t just happen with women! Men act on emotions too. Men don’t buy expensive sports cars, (that they can’t afford to begin with,) for the mere sake of having never-ending car payments until the day they die. They buy expensive sports cars for the feeling of confidence and youth (along with many other reasons, I’m sure!). If they don’t get the car, they’re no longer in their prime. They can do nothing.

This may sound crazy but it’s true. We all act a certain way to fulfill some unmet emotional desire of ours.

I hope that one day we all become more aware of the emotional desires of the people around us. In the end, people just want to be loved.

Love is everywhere, it is everything.

Love will look different to each person, and not all people speak love in the same way. But we have a mission here people! And that mission is to love. To love with our lips, with our hands, and with our hearts. Let’s challenge ourselves to show our love to the world, because after all: everyone out there is just lookin’ for love.